Stacked Burger

Today's post makes me want to dance, like, serious hand waving, shimmy shaking, booty dropping dance-like-no-one's-watching dancing. It's probably one of my favorite things I've ever blogged because it is intense, gorgeous, and one of my favorite foods ever. It's a burger and I love burgers.

No, but seriously, I really love burgers. I know that there are a lot of girls who claim to love burgers because they want to seem cool and down-to-earth and like a guy's girl. That's not me. I'm not that cool, I'm kind of weird and not really that grounded, and I'm a huge dweeb. But, I'm a big fan of burgers. I love burgers because they have bread and beef and cheese (which are three of the best ingredients in the world) and they taste just as good cooked indoors as they do charred on a grill. I love burgers because they're greasy and bad for you and they can be topped with so many delicious ingredients. I love burgers because they can be eaten for lunch or dinner. They could probably also be eaten for breakfast too, perhaps topped with a fried egg. I love burgers because they're handheld and portable. I love burgers and I think it shows (in my waistline and) especially with this long soliloquy.

This burger that I'm sharing is crazy and it's delicious. I wasn't sure what to call it. I considered resorting to hyperbole. But then I remembered that I don't like when food blogs claim that their recipe is "the best _____ ever" or "the most delicious ____ in the world." I feel like everyone has different tastebuds so it's hard to say any recipe is the ultimate. So, I settled on the "stacked burger" because this guy is so full of toppings that it's taller than it is wide. "Stacked" is also a slangy adjective for a man with bulgy muscles or a lady with huge bazoongas and if this burger were a human, it would certainly be muscular or busty. Its list of ingredients includes some of my favorites (avocado, bacon, and Sriracha) and it makes me want to weep that such beauty exists in the world. Plus, it's totally flexible. If there are toppings that I've suggested that you aren't a fan of, just omit them. Throw on whatever you like. Just make sure the burger is taller than it is wide; that's the only requirement. It needs to be stacked.

Ingredients:
stacked burger [for 1]
1 spicy burger patty
1 brioche bun
2 to 3 tablespoons special sauce
2 slices bacon
2 slices cheddar cheese
2 slices tomato
1 slice red onion
3 to 4 pickle chips
2 slices avocado

spicy burger mix [yields 4 patties]
1½ lbs ground beef (I like an 85-15 mix)
½ cup panko breadcrumbs
¼ cup milk
¼ onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons Worcestershire
2 tablespoons Sriracha
1 tablespoon dijon mustard
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon dried oregano
1 egg

special sauce
2 tablespoons horseradish sauce (or mayo if you're not a fan of horseradish)
2 tablespoons ketchup
1 tablespoon Sriracha
1 teaspoon Worcestershire
1 tablespoon dijon mustard
2 cornichons, minced
1 clove garlic, minced
1 teaspoon pepper

The sauce is super easy. Just squeeze some ketchup, horseradish sauce, Sriracha, Worcestershire, chopped up pickles, garlic, and pepper into a bowl. Mix it all together and boom, sauce is done. Typically, you see mayo in special burger sauces but I went with horseradish sauce because 1) my household doesn't like mayo so 2) we never have it in the house and 3) I couldn't resist the added punch from the horseradish. Of course, if you'd rather do mayo, go right ahead.

The burger mix is just as easy as the sauce. Grab a big bowl and slap in the ground beef. Sprinkle in some breadcrumbs and drizzle some milk on top. The milk-soaked breadcrumbs will keep the burgers really moist and delicious. Add in diced onion, minced garlic, mustard, Worcestershire, Sriracha, salt, pepper, and oregano. Crack in an egg. Gently mix together and then divide it into four and make patties.

Grab a cast iron pan and cook the bacon until crisp.

And then grab your bread. I used fresh baked brioche buns so I didn't toast them. However, had these been not-so-freshly baked, I would have sliced them open, brushed each side with a little bacon grease (or butter) and toasted them until crisp.

I like to have all of the toppings at the ready before I start to cook the burger. This way, the burger doesn't end up overdone and I can assemble and dig in before the patty has a chance to cool off.

Cook the patties in bacon grease to your desired doneness. I'm a medium girl, myself.

Once the burgers have been flipped, slap a few slices of cheese onto each patty and cover the pan to help the cheese melt a bit faster.

To assemble the burger, grab a bun and slather each side with the special sauce. Slide a burger patty onto the bottom bun. Lay on the crisp bacon, top with tomato, red onion, pickle chips, and avocado. Close up the burger with the top bun.

The burger looks so cute and unassuming from this angle.

Then, we tilt the camera and we see how badass this baby really is! Look at how tall! I stabbed it with a steak knife to subdue it because this thing was going to flip out and crush my house! No, I'm kidding. I stabbed it with a steak knife to keep it held together. That's what they do at steakhouses when a burger is jam-packed with toppings.

This burger is flavorful and spicy and packed with yummy stuff. I don't think I need to say much more. I'm sure your imagination can help you fantasize about how delicious this baby really is.

To assuage the guilt of eating this monster burger - it is still New Years Resolution-keeping season, after all - I whipped up a quick "salad" to eat on the side. It's just baby kale tossed with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. It's not compulsory, by any means, but I think it's a great side dish. The burger is pretty heavy and fatty and buttery so it's nice to be able to cut through the grease with a great palate cleanser like this kale salad. The sharp vinegar cuts through the unctuousness of the burger and the crunch of the greens breaks up the textural monotony of the burger.

Here are the recipe pages: